Sikh Wedding Ceremony

Thaka or Roka: Announcement of the engagement

Once both families have agreed to the alliance, the groom, with his close relatives goes to the bride's family for the formal announcement. This is an indication to the community, that the couple is spoken for and they will receive no more offers of marriage.

A respected member of the family offers the 'Ardaas'(prayer). The groom's mother presents a gift to her prospective daughter-in-law and the bride's parents give the groom's parents a 'shagan' (token gift), usually in the form of money and some sweetmeats.

Mangni, Sagaai or Kudmai: The Engagement

The formal 'asking' of the bride's hand in marriage by the groom's family is known as the 'mangni'. The groom's female relatives go the bride's home laden with a complete ensemble of fine clothes, accessories, jewellery and toiletries. The bride will wear the clothes, jewellery and accessories for the 'mangni' ceremony.

The groom arrives with his family and close friends at the venue; refreshments are served after which the ceremony commences with prayers and 'kirtan'(singing of hymns) in the presence of the Sikh Holy Book - the Guru Granth Sahib.

The bride's mother presents a silver 'thaal' (platter), laden with the symbols of the Sikh faith, sweetmeats, saffron and flowers to the groom. He may also receive gifts like a watch, money or a gold chain at this time.

The groom slips the engagement ring on the bride's finger and she reciprocates. (The exchange of rings is borrowed from western culture and is a normal practice in some Sikh weddings these days).

The groom's family receives gifts in the form of money, sweetmeats, dried fruit and fruit to take back with them.

Depending upon the time of day, a high tea, lunch or dinner will be served and not necessarily vegetarian.

Shri Akhand Path: Continuous reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, the Holy Book of the Sikhs

This auspicious, uninterrupted reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, over a period of forty-eight hours signifies the centrality of the Holy Book in worship and in community life.

A relay of readers, either from the 'gurudwara' (Sikh Temple) or from within the family and friends, is organized and vigil is kept through the night for, on no account must there be a break in the recitation of the Holy Book once it commences.

This prayer marathon takes place separately in the homes of both bride and groom a few days before the wedding. At the conclusion of the reading, hymns are sung and then all those present stand up for the 'ardaas'. The bride, groom and their families are blessed. The Holy Book is opened at random and a verse read out which is regarded as the 'hukam' (divine message).

'Karah Parshaad' (a delicious sweet made from whole wheat flour, 'ghee' or clarified butter and sugar) is blessed first then served to all those present.

Sangeet: Celebration with song and dance

Punjabi celebrations typically comprise of 'gaana, bajaana, khanna, peena, (singing, dancing, eating, drinking!). Family and friends sing to the catchy beat of the 'dholak' (small drum) making sure several songs are sung to tease the bride's mother-in-law and other members of the groom's family!

In a lot of urban communities, the 'sangeet' is a mixed party held at night, hosted separately by both families on two consecutive evenings. Drinks flow, dinner is served and the celebrations could well continue till the wee hours of the next morning.

Mehendi: The henna ceremony

This is an intimate ceremony, mainly for the ladies in the family and the bride's friends.

The 'mehendi' (henna) is passed around to all present for their blessings and each one leaves a few rupees in the platter. 'Mehendi' is then smeared on the palms of the bride after which she reaches back and leaves the impressions of her palms on the wall behind her. These days a protective sheet of paper is pasted on the wall! The henna is quickly washed off and then the professional henna artists or 'mehendiwallis' take over by decorating the palms of the bride and her friends. The bride's 'mehendi' can take upto hours for the intricate patterns to be drawn and then left to dry to achieve a deep red colour.

A simple 'mehendi' ceremony is conducted for the groom at his home. The 'mehendi' is passed around to all to be blessed, then smeared onto his palms and quickly washed off! The women in his family may call in a professional 'mehendi' artist to decorate their palms.

In both the homes the ladies sing and dance to the beat of the 'dholak'.

Chooda: The bride's maternal uncle adorns her wrists with the ivory bangle

On the morning of the wedding, the groom's mother sends the 'kuvaar dhoti' (the last ensemble she will wear as a maiden) to the bride.

After the ritual application of 'vatnaan' (turmeric and sandalwood paste), the bride bathes with water fetched from a neighbour's house in a decorated vessel carried by the womenfolk who sing songs of blessing. She then removes any bangles she is wearing and wears the 'kuvaar dhoti'. In the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, a brief prayer is said.

Her mother's brother and his wife ('mama and mami') then adorn her wrists with the traditional ivory wedding bangles. ( these days ivory may be replaced with plastic or acrylic). The bangles are always uneven in number and are blessed by five ladies in the family who have been happily married for a long time.

The bride also wears a steel bangle or 'kada' on each wrist onto which her family and friends tie the 'kaleeran' or dangling golden baubles; symbols of good luck!

Sehrabandhi & Ghodi: Tying of the traditional headdress on the groom and decorating the mare

A symbolic application of turmeric and sandalwood paste precedes the groom's ritual bath.

The 'sehra' or veil of golden threads is taken around to each member of the family to be blessed. His sisters tie the 'sehra' onto his turban. The 'sarbala' (a young boy, usually a nephew of the groom) will act as his constant companion and be with him until the wedding ceremony is over.

The groom is escorted to the richly caparisoned mare; the mare's attendant feeds her horse gram and the groom and the 'sarbala' mount the mare.

The groom's brother's wife applies a touch of 'kajal' (kohl) to the groom's eyes to ward off the evil eye and his sisters and female cousins braid the bridle with 'vagaan' (golden tassels) for which they receive gifts from the groom's mother.

The women sing 'seheras' or traditional songs appropriate to the ceremony. The groom is now ready to proceed to the bride's home for the wedding ceremony.

Milni: Reception of the groom and the 'baraatis' by the bride's family

The 'baraat' (groom's party) arrives at the venue and is greeted by the male relatives from the bride's family to the singing of 'Hum Ghar Saajan Aaye' a hymn giving thanks for being blessed by the arrival of the gracious folk. The 'Ardaas' is said.

The bride's father greets the groom's father by garlanding him and is garlanded in return. All the male relatives of the bride greet their counterparts in the groom's family in sequence, in like manner.

After the 'milni' the couple exchange garlands; this ceremony is known as the 'jaimala'. The bride garlands the groom first signaling her acceptance of him as her husband.

Anand Karaj or Lavan Phera: The actual wedding ceremony

The 'Anand Karaj' or wedding ritual takes place at 'anand vela' (early morning, usually associated with peace and tranquility). In case the ceremony begins a little later, it must conclude before noon. In the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, a normal Morning Prayer service is conducted, after which the 'Asa di Vaar' (the morning hymn) is sung.

The bride, face covered, is escorted in by her father or uncle, her sisters and girlfriends and seated on the left of the groom.

Since the Sikhs do not have an ordained clergy, a respected member of the community or gurudwara may conduct the ceremony. The officiator of the ceremony asks the bride, groom and their parents to stand for the 'Ardaas', after which they all bow down to the Holy Book in assent of the marriage.

The bride's father places a corner of the bride's veil or 'pallav' in the groom's hands and over his shoulder into the bride's hands, symbolically connecting them and giving his daughter away in marriage. The groom then leads the bride four times around the Holy Book, each round interspersed with hymns containing blessings and advice.

The ceremony concludes with the 'Ardaas' and is followed by the 'vaak' (Guru's counsel). This is done by opening the Holy Book at random and reading out a verse from the page on the right. 'Karah Parshaad' is distributed and the couple is garlanded.

Doli: Bridal send-off

The groom lifts the bride's veil and seeing her as a married woman for the first time her family blesses her with money. She changes into a set of clothes and jewellery brought by the groom's parents. She feeds the male members of her own family with cooked rice and turning her back on them throws back handfuls of puffed rice, invoking a blessing of prosperity on her father and family. She then bids a tearful farewell to her family and friends - a very emotional moment in any Indian wedding. Her father seats her in the decorated car alongside her husband and her brother escorts her to her new home.

On reaching the marital home, the groom's mother, who pours a little oil outside on the doorstep before they enter, receives the couple. She then attempts to drink water from a 'lota' (steel jar), but the groom prevents her! After the third attempt he relents and she drinks it. This is repeated with six other female relatives.

Doli Dinner: Celebration of the bride's arrival into the groom's family

The groom's family and close friends get together the night the bride arrives for the 'doli' dinner. Literally translated 'doli' means palanquin. As a courtesy, they may invite the bride's family and her guests who have come from out of town. This may be a very quiet evening with a home-cooked meal, or a full-fledged celebration with caterers called in and exuberant singing and dancing

Reception: Post wedding celebrations

The groom's parents usually host the wedding reception. It is a formal party, presenting the newly wed couple to their extended family and friends. A military band is often requested to play elegant marches and classical tunes during this celebration. The wedding reception is an import from the West.

Phera: The bride visits her parental home

This visit is made a day after the wedding if the bride and groom are leaving to live in another city. Otherwise it may be made whenever convenient. The couple visits the bride's paternal home and receives gifts and blessings.